Christmas for refugees: without family, home, or security 

Tens of thousands of Ukrainian refugees are spending the holidays in Hungary

 

The following article is a translation from Hungarian of the article "MENEKÜLTEK KARÁCSONYA: CSALÁD, OTTHON, BIZTONSÁG NÉLKÜL", written by Modla Zsuzsanna, and originally published on wmn.hu, 22 December 2022.

According to data from the UN High Commissioner for Refugees, by December of this year, more than seven million eight hundred thousand people had fled Ukraine since the outbreak of the war. Almost five million of them applied for protection in a European country, roughly 33 thousand in Hungary. For these families, including many children, the loss of their home, their sense of security, and the disintegration of their family is a gigantic experience of loss, so the grief felt over the loss of their previous life bears down on the holidays. Many people don't even know if they want to celebrate this year, but others – especially children – are trying to sneak their own festive rituals into the anticipation of Hungarian Christmas. Our guest author, Modla Zsuzsanna, a cultural anthropologist, who provides advice to the Hungarian staff of the Swiss NGO "Terre des hommes", talked to Ukrainian refugees staying in our country.

"I think the essence of Christmas is family: being together. How can I have a Christmas spirit when my parents are in a war-torn country?"

– asks Orsolya Junkuncz-Joó, who, as a Transcarpathian Hungarian, speaks Ukrainian well and helps me to communicate with Ukrainian-speaking refugee families at the educational center of Terre des hommes (SWOI Studio).

Both parents and children really lack a festive atmosphere.

Helplessness, uncertainty, anger, grief over the loss of loved ones, home, former life, vision of the future – these are perhaps the most characteristic feelings associated with being a refugee.

The strength, faith, courage and calmness they possess amazes me every time I talk to people who fled the war raging in our neighborhood. As the holidays approach, families really need this inner strength.

"It would be best if we could spend the holidays at home with the family," Jule says, who fled the city of Sumy on the Russian-Ukrainian border with her nine-year-old son Jehor. "But this is impossible, since one half of the family stayed at home, some fled to Poland, some are in Sweden, while we are here in Hungary. I don't feel it's time to celebrate, and the only thing keeping my spirits up is that the war will soon be over."

After the never-ending homesickness of the initial period, she is calmer now: 

"I am very grateful to the Hungarians. Budapest with its Christmas decorations and the Advent wreath Jehor made last week at the center here help me not to forget the holidays, even if they are at a different time here and celebrated in a different manner." 

Advent wreath

 
Advent wreath at SWOI's Christmas craft workshop - Photo: SWOI Studio is the informal refugee education center

In Ukraine, St. Nicholas arrives not on December 6, but on December 19, and they are accompanied by Snowflake, not Krampus. "We don't shine boots... ", says nine-year-old Masha, which the other children participating in the session confirm with laughter, "Santa puts the present under our pillow, we don't have to work so hard," they say in chorus.

Ten-year-old Paulina also drew my attention to the differences when she told me that she had sent messages to several Santas this year: "I wrote to Saint Nicholas, who comes on the 19th, I wrote to Santa Claus, who usually comes here on December 6th, and I also wrote to Ded Moroz, who will bring the gift on December 31st. I also wrote our Budapest and Kyiv addresses on each letter to them, to be sure (they come to the right address). I asked Ded Moroz for the expensive things, because I thought that he is Russian, and if he had to spend a lot on me, then there would be no money left for the war."

Paulina, who has been living in Budapest with her sister, mother and grandmother since March, will move back to Ukraine at the end of December. "I just couldn't stand that the girls were without their father," Lana, Paulina's mother, told us during an earlier conversation.

"I love the holidays, I start buying decorations at home in October, but this year I was unable to. Then, when I decided that we would go home and become a family again, I found my peace. I went and bought an artificial tree. Now I need to bring that home too,"  she said, smiling to herself, "I had to do something that reminded me of our normal life at this time of year."

Ukrainians celebrate Christmas Eve on January 6, since their time calculation is not based on the Gregorian calendar, but on the calendar established by Julius Caesar in BC 46, but it is more common to give gifts during the New Year on December 31.

"The entire series of holidays begins on December 31, the New Year. Then comes Ded Moroz (Father Frozen) and presents a gift. At Christmas, on January 6, only the godparents give gifts to the godchildren, who, according to tradition, surprise them with a "кутя"," says Jule.

Jule and her son
 
Jule and her son

The "кутя/kutya" – the main dish of Ukrainian Christmas - to the delight of vegetarians:

The word originates from the Greek κουκκί (bean) or κοκκος (seed), it is known as кутя/ kutya among Ukrainians, kutia among Poles, colivă among Romanians, and kolivo among Serbians. The porridge-like food can be prepared by "pushing" two glasses of wheat or millet, one glass of poppy seeds, one glass of walnuts or hazelnuts, five dkg of raisins, ten dkg of honey and five dkg of cooking chocolate. The wheat is washed and after soaking for a few hours, it is cooked until soft over a slow fire. Then, ground poppy seeds, crushed and roasted walnuts or hazelnuts are mixed in. It is sweetened with honey and sprinkled with raisins or grated chocolate. This dish is cooked in a pot used exclusively for this purpose.

"My son was very affected by the evacuation and the three-day journey. It's a lot for a child: chaos, fright, fear. We went back in the Summer hoping to stay, but we had to come back. He attends school online, but those are intermittent due to the electricity cuts. The community organised by Tdh is the only place where he can be with peers of his age, who understand him. We need to try to bring back some of the home traditions for his sake. He needs something permanent, which we didn't get much of in the last year", says Jule. "We don't have strong traditions at home either, so I don't have to cook twelve dishes to have a Christmas atmosphere," she adds.

On the Orthodox Christmas Eve, twelve different dishes are traditionally put on the festive table, where there is hay under the tablecloth, which is meant to remind us of the birth of Jesus. During the evening, the "кутя/ kutya" is served first, followed by other eleven courses, typically cabbage, mushroom and potato dishes, fish jelly from carp, beetroot salad, cabbage with oil, various snacks such as zakuska, fried fish, and after these starters, meat too.

"I miss my family a lot, and it's especially difficult now, because we have a lot of coming and going, friends, family at this time," notes Jule sadly, but hastily adds: "It's not as difficult for me as it is for others, I don't want to complain. I came here with my husband, who already worked here, so I'm not alone. Back home, our house is still standing and none of my people have died. Those women who are alone with their children in a foreign country with the knowledge that their husbands at home could die any day, they are heroes. I'm not. I'm lucky." 

As I listen to Jule, I have déjà vu: almost two months ago, when I first met Lana, she assessed her situation in a similar way and said, almost apologetically, that she was not a "typical refugee", there were others who had a much more difficult fate.

So I am no longer surprised when Ludmila, a refugee from Melitopol, begins our conversation by saying that she is actually lucky, even if it is not the first time she has experienced the loss caused by war: 

"This is the second war of my life: I was twelve years old when the Tajik civil war broke out , from which I fled at the age of sixteen and moved with my uncle to Ukraine, only to have to flee from there now, twenty years later."

Mila's home town of Melitopol is a key logistical hub because it is an essential gateway to Crimea, which was previously occupied by the Russians. (Fierce fighting is still going on in the city - just a few days ago, the Ukrainians blew up a bridge to cut off the Russian occupying army from supplies.)

Melitopol
 
The scene of a car bomb explosion in front of a building housing a local TV station in Melitopol, Zaporizhia Oblast, Ukraine on October 25, 2022. - Source: Getty Images/y Stringer/Anadolu Agency

"On February 24, we woke up to find that the city's air base had been hit by a bomb. We immediately understood: there is a war. We ran to the bank, took out our money, then ran to the store to buy food. Everything happened so fast. It was scary. I, who had already lived through a war as a child, did not believe that the Russians would really attack Ukraine", she says, searching for an explanation for the misread signals.

"We lived under the blockade for 50 days. It was very difficult and very expensive. Then I packed two suitcases and we left. Can you imagine? Our whole life in two suitcases."

I honestly can't imagine. (However, during my work I have seen many difficult life stories in my life.) Neither can I imagine what it is like to drive 100 kilometers in ten hours because of the roadblocks set up almost every meter, where soldiers search through all your belongings and if they find anything, who knows what happens. 

"My seven-year-old son, Ruslan, always sings the song Chervona Kalyna, which has inspired Ukrainian freedom for centuries. As we crept meter by meter towards Zaporizhzhya, I was always afraid that he would start singing and that they would hear and we would get into trouble."

Mila considers herself lucky partly because she is not alone - her husband was able to come with them due to his health condition, and they both work in a Hungarian-Ukrainian foundry - and partly because they have the opportunity to get to know another culture.

Mila
 
Mila

"This Christmas is really hard right now. We are worried about my husband's parents who stayed at home because they didn't want to leave their home. But it is mostly difficult for Ruslan. He's been crying a lot lately because he wants to spend the holidays at home. In the meantime, there is also good news: one day he came home from school asking me to explain why Christmas is more important here than New Year, why Santa Claus comes at a different time, and whether he will come to us twice this year", she says with a laugh. "I'm glad that he is interested, that he is open, and that he sees that there are different cultures, religions and holidays. So I decided that we will also celebrate the 24th: we will go to Vienna that day. Then, of course, on the 6th, we make a kutya and celebrate our Christmas as well. I must try to summon the spirit of our home. That's why it's important."

I was about to ask about the future when Ruslan came over to show me what he had made with the help of Irina Fedur, who speaks excellent Hungarian because of her husband and has been helping the emergency programme of Tdh in cooperation with UNICEF since spring. Mila waits until Ruslan goes back to play and then continues: 

"I am not optimistic because I have now understood the reality. And I don't know if we'll ever be able to go home, so I don't know where we'll live. I have to keep my child's future in mind. I will do what is in his best interest."

The smiling-eyed Mila becomes sad for a moment: "I think we often fail to appreciate what we have, we only appreciate it afterwards. I hope one day we will learn to appreciate our lives here and now."

Then she continues cheerfully again:

"I had a wonderful life in Dusambe and Melitopol. Now I only meet nice people in Budapest. Now the holidays are here, and we're going to celebrate all the Santas and Christmases and New Years* that we can."

According to data from the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, the war raging in Ukraine since February 24 has forced nearly eight million people to leave their homeland. The refugees are mostly women and children, who are now spending Christmas away from home. And most probably also the Orthodox holidays.

*As in the case of Christmas, there is also a difference between the two calendars for the New Year, so there is the old New Year, which falls on January 13, and some people celebrate it as well.

Ukrainian refugees in Hungary

Childhub

You might like..

0
11
Zsuzsanna Modla writes an article about Christmas for Ukrainian refugees living in Hungary. Children and their parents speak about their feelings, anticipation for a holiday, that is quite differently celebrated in Hungary than back home. Terre des…
0
58
We are sharing this BITelevision interview with the psychologist from the Assistance Center for Tortured Survivors, Kalina Yordanova, on the issue of the refugee crisis and children who are the most vulnerable victims of it. In the video Kalina…
0
62
The Bulgarian Council for Refugees and Migrants has published the first academic bulletin "Refugees - Today and Tomorrow". The initiative, supported by the UN Agency for Refugees in Bulgaria, aims to contribute to the exchange of information among…
yes
0
20
  For the second year in a row, Christmas and New Year will be celebrated differently for hundreds of Albanian families affected by the earthquake of 26 November 2019. "Finally, my children will celebrate like their friends. I will also buy…
0
19
Every child should be able to live safely with their family. But when disaster strikes, children may need to seek safety from conflict or persecution, leaving their families behind. A few of these children find safety in the UK – where unfair…
0
20
The National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) has released a report on secure children’s homes, based on data shared by the Secure Welfare Coordination Unit. This first report examines the situation in secure children’s homes across England and Wales…
0
33
UNICEF Bulgaria conducted a survey in Shumen district addressed the need to assess respondents’ views about the future. The study is focused on the correlation between target group's attitudes to education, professional career…
0
37
According to Moldpres News Agency, about 700 children in 2018 abandoned the home or placement institution, by 30 more against 2017.   Contacted by MOLDPRES, the press officer of the General Police Inspectorate (IGP), Mariana Betivu, has said…
0
1
In a short article BBC explains the difference between migrants, refugees and asylum seekers.
0
50
The Children's Social Care Research and Development Centre at the Cardiff University published the first of its kind research about young people referred to secure children`s home in England. The study reveals serious child protection concerns while…
0
17
This publication documents more than 95 good practices to help eliminate gender-based violence and highlights their impact in preventing violence against women, protecting victims and prosecuting offenders. Strategies for involving men and young…
0
The blog describes the "dangers" to children and adults during the holiday period, such as pressures and expectations, mental health issues, possible abuse in the family, and online dangers. When preparing for the holidays, every family should…
0
8
Eurochild endorses statement calling for full access to rights and support for stateless refugees in Europe. A growing coalition of over 75 organisations is calling on European governments and the European Union (EU…
0
10
Professional Conference on the topic "Family Support: current trends in the development of the program of home visits to families" will be organised in Serbia, Novi Sad, on May 14th 2016. The conference will be held at the Faculty of Philosophy and…
0
527
We provide you with this material prepared by Hope and Homes for Children, which presents the ACTIVE Family Support Model. This model of intervention has been prepared on the basis of 20 years of practical experience in different countries,…